Trust Issues

My sheep have trust issues — sometimes, but not always. Even though most of them have lived their whole lives here, were born here, and I’ve been their only Shepherdess they still don’t always trust what I am doing or what I want them to do — or why.

For many years though I’ve fed them, given them water, provided shelter, love and protection their first instinct is to sometimes still run away from me. I’ve even literally breathed life into some of the lambs at birth, helped mothers birth their babies, spent hours and days bringing a sick sheep to wellness. Yet, they still can be less than trusting.

I guess that’s just how sheep are, they think I may have an ulterior motive. Or maybe they remember shearing time when I corral them to be held for the shearer — only they don’t remember from a year ago that shearing is a good thing to have done when they’re wearing their 1-year-old wool coats and it’s getting pretty warm outside. They tend to sometimes see me as doing them harm even when what I’m doing is actually the best thing for them.

I have to admit, I have trust issues too — sometimes, but not always. When it comes to my Good Shepherd, I am anything but consistent in how much I trust Him. It depends on the circumstance or particular issue I am facing. Sometimes it depends on my mood or how I’m feeling or if I remember His love and care the last time I faced a similar situation I find myself presently in.

Even though He’s provided for me in every possible way: food, water, shelter, love, protection and so much more, I sometimes still run. I sometimes still hide. At times I still don’t understand what He’s doing or why or that it’s the best thing for me. Even though my Good Shepherd created me — literally gives me every breath I take — has never left or forsaken me — I can still be less than trusting.

Perhaps if I spent more time trusting my Good Shepherd instead of trying to figure out what He’s doing or why (or how I would do it) I would see that what He’s doing is actually the best thing for me. Every. Single. Time.

I have to admit, I have trust issues — sometimes, but not always. Thankfully I also have a Good Shepherd Who understands I am but an errant sheep whose trust and faith often changes as surely as my emotions or circumstances do.

Still, still, knowing this, my Good Shepherd has chosen and personally called me to be part of His flock from now and throughout eternity. Regardless of my trust issues.

Jackie Deems copyright 2022

6 We all, like sheep, have gone astray, each of us has turned to our own way; and the Lord has laid on him the iniquity of us all. Isaiah 53:6