The Shepherd of my Heart
It’s almost dark and I make sure all the sheep are well and tucked into their barns for the night, their Great Pyrenees guard dogs stand watch over them when I cannot. There’s a calm coldness surrounding the beautiful scene of tranquil sheep bedded down with their guards watching, looking, waiting, listening for a sound even I don’t hear. I bow my head and give thanks that all is well. This night, all is well.
So many nights I’ve spent in the barn with a sick sheep or when lambs were due, watching, looking, waiting, listening for the cry of a newborn or the baa of an ailing sheep. I pray as I sit in the barn, not a formal, on my knees here’s my prayer list type of prayer. I say a prayer of thanks for the stillness, for the lack of drama and hurried crucial decisions that can sometimes be part of caring for livestock. I give thanks for my abundant blessings and the life I have that grounds me, gives me solace and points me daily to my Good Shepherd.
I sometimes chide myself for not spending enough time in formal prayer, for not worshiping my Lord enough. I compare myself to what I assume others do, how much time they pray and worship and read their Bible, often times deeming myself as falling short on so many levels of my pursuit to pursue my Good Shepherd.
Then I hear the slightest of whispers, “Your heart is in continual worship and praise. Each time you marvel at a beautiful sunrise or sunset, that’s worship. Every moment you give thanks for anything, that’s praise. Each time you look up to heaven and lift your voice, that’s prayer.”
It’s then that I internalize and understand (again) my Good Shepherd does not condemn me for what I consider as coming up short spiritually. He does not scowl when I don’t pray long enough, however long that is. He watches. He waits. He looks. Patiently listening for the sound even I don’t hear, the sound of my heart cries to Him. Since I was a very young girl my heart has been His and He understands very well my own way of thanking and worshiping and praise and prayer.
Just as this Shepherdess knows the cries of her sheep and what they mean, my Good Shepherd intimately knows each of my thoughts and heart cries. He does not keep track of how many times I formally approach Him. He just delights in the fact that I do.
I will sing to the Lord all my life;
I will sing praise to my God as long as I live.
May my meditation be pleasing to him,
as I rejoice in the Lord. Psalm 104:33,34
Jackie Deems copyright 2022