Frozen In Time
It’s 18 degrees. I step out of the front door onto newly fallen snow slightly covering the layers of ice blanketing our farm. The snow doesn’t make my footing any surer but instead camouflages the ice underneath. It’s going to be slow going again for chores as I purposely place each step I take.
I carefully climb over a gate encased in ice as I hold on for dear life. One slip and I could break something but it’s the only way into the pasture right now.
I let my Shetland sheep down to their round bale pavilion just a few yards from their barn. They stop and look up at me — frozen in time — as if to say they needed my help to get to their hay. They don’t need my help, but I can’t convince my sheep of that.
I go down and break a path for them, take a deep breath of frigid air and panic begins to rise. I feel like I can’t inhale deeply because of the cold air and check under the layers of clothing and in my pocket for my asthma inhaler, then grip it tightly. I usually make sure it’s in my pocket before I leave to do chores. This morning I hadn’t.
For a moment my mind embraces the panic — frozen in time — as I assess my situation: pretty far from the house, no cell phone, all alone.
All alone? Not really. I know I’m not. I also know much of my panic is because I’m focusing on the panic not on the peace. The panic from asthma is a regular visitor in my mind that even sometimes wakes me from a deep sleep in the middle of the night. Thankfully the peace is an even more regular visitor.
In the middle of the icy, frozen tundra my mind and heart start to sing, “My Lord knows the way through the wilderness, all I have to do is follow”. My sheep follow me as my breathing slows in the frozen air. The panic has been replaced with the peace only my Good Shepherd can provide.
In the middle of my momentary frozen desolation, He reaches down and calms my heart assuring me I can make it home then quietly breaks a path for me as I make my way back to the house. Once again, I’m home. Safely home.
Jackie Deems copyright 2022