A Gentle Soul
Duchess was 6-years-old when she came to be part of our farm. She was a gentle soul who had been neglected her entire life and was rescued from a hog farm where her only food was pig grain.
It was clear to me she had not only been neglected but also abused. Just the slightest movement of my hand towards her sent her running or cringing, steeling herself for a pummeling blow she’d been conditioned to know was coming — a blow she would stand there and take as she had in her before rescue life.
For 6 years she survived with no love, no kindness, no substantial food. She survived out of sheer will and the love for her animals she guarded with all her heart and strength.
When I first met Duchess it was obvious to me she was physically old beyond her age, the years of neglect and abuse stole her vigor but her guard instinct was very much left unharmed. And she immediately came alongside my remaining aged guard dog to care for her new charges, my flock of sheep.
My sheep are not the calmest because of their breed, and I knew Duchess would likely not be welcomed by them. But her calm, sweet, unassuming demeanor won my sheep — her sheep — over almost instantly. She moved slowly towards them with her head down and laid right down with them, her tangible gentleness emanating and preceding her arrival in the midst of the flock.
Over the years I have rescued many Livestock Guard Dogs, usually puppies. These pups, once they were bonded to me and their charges, were affectionate and trainable. But not Duchess. Affection to her was surely an alien thought if she ever thought about it at all. An occasional back scratch was all she would allow and I always respected that.
But I wanted more, and the look in her soulful eyes told me there was more to be had — or maybe that’s just what I hoped for, wished for. I just wanted to bury my face in her fur and take all the years of neglect away, to let her know she was safe and loved and that love could feel so good. I wanted to lay down right there in the field with her and love her beautiful, wounded heart back to life.
But that never happened. In the 2 years Duchess was here it never happened.
This morning I went out to do chores and did not hear her everyday greeting to me. Instead of her distinctive bark there was only silence. I thought she must be sleeping after a long night of guarding.
As I entered her pastures I saw what looked like a sleeping dog off in a far off field. I called her name and she did not respond. She couldn’t. My Duchess was already gone — stretched out in a green pasture (with her sheep) as if she just went to sleep.
And so I finally laid down with her in the field, wanting to love her beautiful, wounded heart back to life as I buried my face in her fur for the first time.
For the last time.
Jackie Deems copyright 2020
