39 Years

Thirty-nine years ago today I married my husband.

No one gave our marriage any chance of “making it”. Perhaps even us.

We met in July and were married that October, yes, of the same year, while being separated by thousands of miles. And no, it was not an internet match. We met and 1 month later I moved from Indiana to Texas. We courted via phone and letters — real hand-written letters — and a few in person visits.

Ah, and as love is so blind, we believed we were soul mates — fated to be together. And no one could have changed either of our stubborn wills and minds.

We both had at least moderate tempers as many younger folks do, which led to many ridiculous fights over ridiculously stupid things — wasting ridiculous amounts of unreclaimable time. Neither of us very willingly flew the white flag of defeat.

But we usually loved each other as hard as we fought each other — both seeing something we’d never before had in our lives. We both saw a person who would stay. No matter what, stay.

Honestly, there have been times, many times, I’d wish he’d not stayed over the years. There were many times I did not want to stay. But he did. I did. So we did.

God was at the center of our marriage from the very beginning. In the midst of all the not wanting to stay times, He was the glue that kept us staying. Sometimes we stayed simply because of the vows we made to each other and Him.

I have kicked hard against changes in our lives that I thought were not what a marriage should be like — look like. Most of those ideas taken from Hallmark Movies that show just the romance and not real life after the “happily ever afters”. I’m pretty sure most people wouldn’t be interested in watching a Hallmark Movie 39 years after the wedding, not much excitement or romance to be seen there.

Oh, but there is. Because once I got beyond the what love is really all about 39 years later, I realized that romance and love is still there to be seen. If you are still looking.

Just holding hands is romance. A hand brushing a shoulder lightly in passing is romance. A husband looking past today’s reflection in a mirror and still seeing the girl of 39 years ago. That is romance. Fondly remembering years gone by — omitting the not so flattering details. That is romance. Chatting together about menial things no one else would care about. That is romance. Choosing to stay no matter what. That is romance.

That is also love. True love in every sense of the word.

For better for worse, for richer for poorer. In sickness and in health. We had no idea did we? They were the words we said because we were supposed to. Because everyone says them.

Oh, but how many really mean them, after the Hallmark Movie has gone into reruns and the romance has dwindled and is fleeting?

It has taken me almost 39 years to appreciate and internalize fully what those vows really mean long-term.

Quite simply, they mean you not only stay because you vowed to each other and God to, but you stay because you want to. Really want to. Because you can’t deep down imagine life without the other. And knowing the day will surely come when one leaves the other’s side and slips to the other side of eternity — now sooner than later — gives pause to cling even more tightly to each remaining moment.

Thirty-nine years ago no one gave our marriage any chance of “making it”. Perhaps even us.

But we have and we did. And I can’t deep down imagine anyone else I would have rather spent 39 years with…

Jackie Deems copyright 2020